I know, I know, everyone is completely and totally HORRIFIED and OUTRAGED about Lindsey Lohan's conduct this week.

(not the least of all, this FUCKING B-I-T-C-H):



Listen, you'll get no sympathy for Li-Lo from me. Her ass needed to be sent to jail a long time ago. But I'm really sick of the media's playing the story of her courtroom and post-courtroom conduct to fucking death.

The manicure stunt was risky. Real risky. And her attorney was wise to drop her ass as a client when she found out about it. But no one found out about it until after the judge had already sentenced her - a pretty damn harsh sentence at that. Criminal defendants often act up in court. Normally, courts will bend over backwards to prevent their courtroom theatrics from being used against them the jury responsible for assessing their guilt or assigning punishment. For instance, a judge may order a mistrial after a criminal defendant attacks the prosecutor or his or her own lawyer in the courtroom, because the jury is supposed to judge the defendant for the conduct charged in the indictment ALONE, not for other bad behavior, including behavior exhibited right in front of their eyes.

Lindsey calling the judge a "fucking bitch" after the hearing is something that no one can stop talking about. And yet, it's nothing. We all vent. You get a traffic ticket, you tell your friend about it and call the cop an asshole in the telling. If you've ever been on the losing end of any court proceeding, there's a real good chance you had a few choice words for the judge/jury/opposing party (outside of the courtroom of course). You just didn't have "friends" who ran and told the media all about it - and the media would not have listened to them if they'd tried.

It's just nothing. The noise about it on tv is stupid. I really hope the judge has a thicker skin than all that and does not rise up and take the bait. Because once the players in the criminal justice system start getting their little feewings hurt and acting on it, we're all screwed.

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Hap tip to the LA Times. My only question is - what took so long?

A federal judge tentatively decided today to dismiss the case against a Missouri woman who had been convicted of computer fraud stemming from an Internet hoax that prompted a teenage girl to commit suicide.

Lori Drew of Dardenne Prairie, Mo., was convicted in November of three misdemeanor counts of illegally accessing a protected computer.

The decision by U.S. District Judge George H. Wu will not become final until his written ruling is filed, probably next week. Wu said he was concerned that if Drew was found guilty of violating the terms of service in using MySpace, anyone who violated the terms could be convicted of a crime.

Drew 50, was to be sentenced in May but Wu had delayed the sentencing until today, saying he wanted to consider the defense motion to dismiss the entire case.

A federal jury convicted Drew in November of the three misdemeanor charges but deadlocked on a felony conspiracy charge that would have carried a sentence of up to 20 years in prison.

The verdict was a blow to prosecutors who indicted Drew on what some called tenuous legal grounds after authorities in Missouri declined to file criminal charges. Drew was widely criticized after the 2006 death of eighth-grader Megan Meier, an acquaintance of Drew's daughter.

Prosecutors said Drew, her daughter and her 18-year-old employee used a fake profile of a teenage boy to flirt with Megan online via Beverly Hills-based MySpace. Megan hanged herself with a belt after getting a message, purportedly from the boy, telling her that "the world would be a better place without you."

At the May hearing, Wu grilled Assistant U.S. Atty. Mark Krause at length about whether the government had prosecuted Drew under the appropriate laws when they asserted that violating MySpace's terms of service amounted to a crime.

"Is a misdemeanor committed by the conduct which is done every single day by millions and millions of people?" Wu asked. "If these people do read [the terms of service] and still say they're 40 when they are 45, is that a misdemeanor?"

Krause argued that Drew's acts were criminal because she signed up for the fake account with the intention of harming Megan by humiliating her. Drew knew her acts were illegal and deleted the account shortly after Megan's death to cover up her crime, he contended.

Prosecutors had asked Wu to impose a sentence of three years. Defense attorneys argued for probation and vehemently criticized the prosecution in court filings, calling its argument "utterly absurd."

Megan's parents, Ron and Tina Meier, made statements in court in May describing their daughter as a loving but vulnerable girl who went fishing with her father and cared deeply for her friends. They asked Wu to impose the maximum prison sentence.

"It just sickens me that it was an adult playing with the mind of a 13-year-old child," Ron Meier said in May.

To resurrect a phrase from my adolesnce - no duh, Judge Wu. I still don't understand why it took him the better part of a year to come to this (in my opinion) very obvious conclusion that Ms. Drew was charged, tried, and convicted as a result of bloodlust, selective prosecution, and prosecutorial overreaching. Thank goodness he (or his law clerks) finally allowed their common sense to prevail in this matter.

And I'll bet my bottom dollar that SOMEONE will be OUTRAGED!!1!11! tonight! Any guesses who?

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I don't really enjoy Jane's show - she is even more shrieky and sensational than Nancy (I know it's hard to believe). She doesn't even do macabre, tacky montages of dead babies with creepy theme music by Michael Jackson. So why do I watch Jane's show? For one reason, of course...

THAT MULLET!!!!!

What the fuck is going on there? And who on god's green earth told her that was a good look? The only person with a worse mullet than Jane was:



But even Phil Spector has moved on to a more respectable coif, thanks to the fact that they don't allow rugs in prison:



Maybe Jane murdered one of the babies that Nancy features on her show, and then she too can be liberated from her tragic mullet.

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Here it comes.



Tonight, Nancy interviewed Jennifer Buchanan, the mother of the little girl found murdered last week in Michigan. And, as anyone who is familiar with Nancy Grace's douchebaggery should have expected, it was totally a set-up. Much like the way she tore into Melinda Duckett after the disappearance of her child a couple of years ago, Nancy set out to hone her rotting-out, formerly prosecutorial teeth on the fragile psyche of a woman whose child is not yet even in the grave.

Listen, Jennifer Buchanan has got more than her fair share of issues. Apparently she befriended more than a couple of sex offenders with questionable pasts, and continued to allow her kid to be around them even after she knew about all that. And trust me, as someone who has never walked a mile in Jennifer Buchanan's shoes I've got plenty I'd like to rake her over the coals about. Starting with the naming of a child "heaven" backwards. *eyeballs roll out of head* But let's be clear: the time for that is not now. Unless I have one single iota of evidence suggesting that this woman had anything intentional to do with her daughter's death, right now is the time for those who would question her (other than, y'know, the police) to BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Yeah, Nancy? When you try to make yourself all superior and shit by taking down the emotionally and mentally fragile? You don't end up looking like a big shit. You end up looking like an evil, narcissistic, insecure, second-rate hack. You look like a fucking douchebag. Which is what you are, Madam.

Oh - and all those people who call into your show and coo over your nasty spawn, Lucy Elizabeth and John David? They all live up the side of a hill. Their dentures are slipping out. And they all resemble - well, they all look like KC!



I can only hope that one day, one of those freaks of nature crawls out from his or her hovel and murders one of your children, upon which some shrewish harpie can cross-examine you as to why you coddled and cajoled such human waste into your life, in effect endangering your own offspring.

Yeah, I said it. Fuck you Nancy. I spit on you. Friend. Ptooooey!

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