Sarah Palin resigns as Governor of Alaska - but is it really a surprise to anyone that this woman




is not a serious politician? I mean, come on - all Sarah has ever wanted is her cute little mug to be featured in HD on 72-inch plasmas all over the good ol' US of A. She's a shallow airhead who wants to be a celebutante, and now that she's got her chance? You betcha she's done playin' Governor of Alaska! Darn tootin'.

Can you believe this woman was nearly a heartbeat away from the Presidency? We'll be seeing her on Fox News following Huckabee in 5,4,3,2...

Hat tip: CNN

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Sheesh! Now that I've recovered from the tragic and totally unexpected death of Michael "102-lbs of narcotic-plied man-flesh" Jackson, I take a look around the news cycle and see some sad tales, indeed. What the fuck is WRONG with people that they can't pull their heads out of their asses and bow out of public life gracefully.

Today's blog is an ode to those who stayed a little too long at the ball. Where to start?

Ok, let's start with this dude:



Oh yes, the guy who made "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" a euphemism.

OK, Governor. If it had just been a matter of a little infidelity that would be one thing. But you can't hold a weepy press conference confessing your sins but not resigning and THEN let it come out that you'd been fucking your mistress on the taxpayer dollar. Oh, but it doesn't end there! Now he confesses to having "crossed the line" with other women as well (but not sexually, by golly, because apparently he's TWELVE and distinguishes between getting to second and third base, this guy.) And he STILL won't resign! No - because he says it is GOD'S WILL that he remain in office. God's Will??!?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me??? How many times does God have to totally SMITE you before you buy a clue and run as far away from the state house as you possibly can? And by smite you I mean, of course, cause you to have massive, over-share-y verbal diarrhea. Ran, man! RUN!!!!!

Which brings me to our next clueless lingerer at the party:



His wife. She told him in no uncertain terms that he could NOT go visit his mistress - despite his persistent begging. And when she kicked him out of the house so that he could think about their marriage he RAN IMMEDIATELY TO FUCK HIS MISTRESS!!! And yet she still wants to reconcile. Then, today, he TELLS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS that the other woman is is "soul mate" but that he's going to "try to fall back in love with his wife." WHAT?!?!?!? And you are sitting around WAITING for this asshole???? So much for your dignity lady! I think that walked out the door along with the "spiritual advisor" you allowed to accompany this douchebag on a trip to see his soul mate in New York.

Seriously lady, you give new meaning to the concept of being STOOPID.

Who else - who else refused to walk away after things got really, really ugly? Oh! In the spirit of bi-partisanship let's go with this douchebag!



Holy mother of God. It was bad enough when we found out he'd continued running for President after admitting to his cancer-stricken wife that he'd had an affair. Now we come to find out that he was running for President of the United States after having made a sex tape with his mistress. ON PURPOSE?!?!??! Let's not forget, the lady in question was a professional videographer here. And we're not even to the part where he's allegedly the father of this skank's baby, either.

I'm patting myself on the back for realizing, years ago, that John Edwards was just a leeeetle too slick, and a leeeetle too good-looking, and a leeeetle too much of a plaintiffs' attorney for me to buy into too much of his shit. But I wasn't expecting it to get this bad. Even some nasty, greasy wanna-be rockstar celebutard I know has better sense than to spill his seed all over the floor in front of a camera. And that's saying something, I tell ya!

And Elizabeth Edwards? CUT HIM THE FUCK LOOSE! I'm not featuring you out of respect for your health condition, even if you have been whoring your family's misfortunes around the Oprah/Larry King circuit to pimp your book.

Instead of Mrs. Edwards, my final clueless wallflower is, inevitably, her Royal Shallowness:



You betcha!

She hasn't even declared she's running for President in 2012 yet, and already the McCain staff is coming out of the woodwork to tell us what a loser she is.

Lady, my fondest wish would be to watch you try to take on Barack Obama in a few debates in 2012, what with all that winking and "Can I call you Barry?" and whatnot. But it ain't never gonna happen. You should have gone back to Alaska with your tail tucked between your legs and just hoped that the folks up there were too busy rubbing two sticks together to stay warm to notice what a jackass you just made of yourself and your state.

And now, we pay "homidge" [/inside joke] to a few who knew when to walk away - indeed, they knew when to run.



He got out early. Enough said.



Well, apparently by not putting up a stink she got out just in time.



Bitch saw that one coming, and dodged a bullet.



Hey, it looks like he's got nice favorability ratings these days. Not to mention, no one's talking about what a cultish, plural marriage-loving MORMON he is anymore.

And finally:



We'll just call him Al. As opposed to the Worst President Ever in the History of American History. Ever.

Kudos to those who saw the light and got the fuck out of dodge. There's something to be said about not getting what you wanted. Ask me - I just saw the photographic evidence of the dude I was in love with at my 20th high school reunion. Whew! Dodged the bullet there.

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If you're going to cheat on your wife and disappear with your lover to a foreign country for a few days - while being the Chief Executive of a state - maybe you should just own up to it instead of trying to weasel your way out of it by lying:

COLUMBIA, S.C. — Gov. Mark Sanford told a newspaper he was in Argentina, not hiking the Appalachian Trail as his staff had told the public to explain his sudden absence. He said he "wanted to do something exotic" to unwind after losing a fight over federal stimulus money.

The State newspaper reported that Sanford arrived Wednesday morning at Atlanta's international airport on a flight from Buenos Aires, where he drove along the coast of what he called a "beautiful" city.

Sanford apologized at a press conference to his family, and his staff at a press conference for "the way that I let them down." He said he had a conversation with his father-in-law a few weeks ago about where "my heart was ... laying my cards on the table."

"There are moral absolutes, God's law is indeed there to protect you from yourself. There are consequences if you breach that. This press conference is a consequence."

At first it was not clear what Sanford was referencing.

"I've been unfaithful to my wife and I've developed a relationship with what stared as a dear, dear friend from Argentina," he finally said. The affair has been going on for a year, he later explained.

Sanford announced that he is resigning as head of the Republican Governors Association.

"I spent the past five days of my life crying in Argentina," he said, "so I could come back and cry here."

Seriously, dude - that's the best you can do? Just change your name to Evita and get it over with. I generally don't give a shit about people's sex lives - even policitians - but when they throw hypocrisy and lying into the mix, all bets are off.

And did I mention he's a Republican? Quelle surprise.

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So a handful of wingnut-ty Sarah Palin supporters (are there any other kind of Sarah Palin supporters?) showed up to PROTEST at the David Letterman show, after he made a joke about her teenage daughter getting knocked up by Alex Rodriguez and apologized - twice.

These beacons of feminist outrage ended up calling Letterman's son a "bastard" and his wife a "slut." When they weren't busy decrying SOCIALISM and screaching about how we should CLOSE THE BORDERS!

Wha? Oh what did you really expect from a bunch of fucking Palin supporters? I hope someone will show up at their homes and places up business to call their children and spouses ugly epithets as well. Keep the cycle going!!!

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In case you needed more evidence that racism is alive and well - despite the fact that our President is a BLACK MAN!!1!!1! - check out this lovely email sent by a Republican (natch) staffer in Tennessee:

(CNN) -- The chairman of Tennessee's Democratic Party wants a Republican legislative aide fired for sending out a "reprehensible" e-mail depicting President Obama as two cartoonish white eyes peering from a black background.

Obama's image is in the last square of a collage containing portraits of the previous 43 U.S. presidents. The e-mail, which was sent to other GOP staff members, was posted on the Internet Monday.

Sherri Goforth, an administrative assistant to state Sen. Diane Black, R-Gallatin, has admitted she sent the e-mail May 28 with the title "Historical Keepsake Photo." She said, without elaborating, that she mistakenly sent it "to the wrong list of people."

According to the Tennessean, a Nashville newspaper, a note on the e-mail said it was paid for by the Tennessee Republican Party, but GOP officials denied they produced it. Black leads the Tennessee Senate Republican Caucus.

There was no comment from the White House as of Tuesday afternoon.

Black rebuked Goforth but didn't dismiss her.

"I want to be sure that everyone understands that the communication was sent without my knowledge," Black said Tuesday afternoon. "It absolutely does not represent the beliefs or opinions of my office. I want to be very clear about that."

The senator said as soon as she found out about the e-mail, she consulted the Legislature's human resources office, then followed their advice.

"Ms. Goforth did get a verbal reprimand as well as a very strongly worded reprimand, written, that was put in her file that if this should ever occur again, that she would be terminated," Black said.

"This is an employee who has had a stellar record," Black said. She added that Goforth has worked in state government for more than 20 years, and has had a clean record.

"We followed policy. And that's what you do when someone breaks the rules, you follow policy," she said.

A phone message left for Goforth by CNN was not answered.

"Is this indicative of what Senate Republicans think about our commander-in-chief?" asked state Democratic Party Chairman Chip Forrester in a statement posted on the party's Web site.

"I am calling on Sen. Black to reject this racist smear and fire this staffer who, on state government time, on state government computers, using a state government e-mail account, launched this bigoted attack on our president," Forrester said. "Keeping her on the staff would send the message that this type of behavior is condoned by the Senate Republican Caucus."

"This e-mail is reprehensible, insults the office of the president, and is embarrassing to all Tennesseans regardless of political party," Forrester said.

Goforth told Christian Grantham of the Web site Nashville Is Talking that she had received a letter of reprimand from her superiors but will remain on the job.

Grantham said Goforth told him she felt "very bad about accidentally sending it to the wrong list" of people. "I inadvertently hit the wrong button," Grantham quoted Goforth as saying. "I'm very sick about it, and it's one of those things I can't change or take back."

Forrester, in his Web posting, said, "Ms. Goforth does not seem to understand what she did wrong. She has apologized for 'sending [the e-mail] to the wrong list of people.' I believe that any list of people would have recognized this e-mail as offensive and hateful."

State Rep. Johnny Shaw, D-Bolivar, a member of the black and Democratic caucuses, said Goforth should be dismissed.

"I don't think a reprimand is enough. I think this lady needs to go. I don't think she should be a part of the people who represent the state of Tennessee," Shaw said.

He said Goforth and Black, as well as Republican Lt. Gov. and Senate Speaker Ron Ramsey, should make public apologies for the incident.

"I am appalled. It's despicable. It's disgusting. It should not have happened, but it does happen," Shaw said. "It is the president of our country that we're talking about."

Several other black Democratic lawmakers agreed Goforth should quit.

"The last thing we need in the state of Tennessee is to send out the impression and the image that we are still stuck in some backwater mentality and culture that feels it's OK to depict the president of the United States in that fashion," state Rep. John Deberry Jr., D-Memphis, told CNN Radio.

Forrester added: "Unfortunately, Sherri Goforth's e-mail joins the list of shameful episodes by Tennessee Republicans, from the infamous 'Birds of a Feather' direct-mail piece that featured black crows with the heads of Barack Obama and [African-American] Rep. Nathan Vaughn, to the "Barack the Magic Negro" song that former Tennessee GOP Party Chairman Chip Saltsman sent to RNC members during his failed campaign for RNC chair."

Couldn't this woman come up with a better excuse than she "sent it to the wrong list of people?" I wonder if she wears a pointy white hood to work?

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I discovered on my way home tonight that today is apparently National Man Day.

CELESTINE, Ind. — Two Indiana men have declared Monday "National Man Day" only to find there's already a romantic holiday that falls on that date.

Ninteen-year-old Joel Longanecker of Celestine and his 26-year-old brother Aaron, of Indianapolis, have for months been rallying thousands to their masculine cause on Facebook. More than 260,000 people have pledged to "stand up and do manly things" on Man Day.

But it turns out June 15 is also "Sneak a Kiss Day," a day for sweethearts to steal smooches from their sweeties.

The Man Day organizers urge participants to take part in "manly" activities such as football, hunting or watching Rocky movies. They claim real men don't "sneak" kisses.

"Stand up and do manly things"... am I the only one picturing a circle jerk?

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Ah, the frustration that there's a Democrat in the White House - and that HE'S BLACK! bubbles over.



This guy used to be the chairman of the South Carolina Elections Commission too. And we still have to wonder whether there's voter discrimination going on???

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Awwww, Dumbass Liar Sarah Palin's got her wittle feewings hurt by big, bad meanie David Letterman. Because he apparently took some pot shots at her, saying that she sports a "slutty flight attendant look." Well, sir! Now the Shrew is going to milk this for all that it's worth, playing her beloved victim card and whining that her femininity is under attack again.

Am I supposed to be outraged, as a woman, because David Letterman referred to someone's look as "slutty"? Maybe I could muster a little more smpathy for Sarah if she hadn't posed for the cover of Vogue looking pretty much, well, slutty.



You can't use it as both a shield and a weapon, Sarah. Like all the rest of us gals - you have to choose.

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Oh for the love of god.



Joe Scarborough calls Jon Stewart angry? Joe "can you see the steam coming out of my ears? shall I make more" Scarborough calls someone angry?

Nice try to get some publicity for your stupid book, Joe. Don't take the bait, Jon.

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Oh Heavens to Betsy! Today is some kind of very big day in the book debut for morning talk show host and Republican hack Joe Scarborough. He's got some new piece of Republican propaganda out now, titled The Last Great Hope.

Seriously? Joe the Morning Meltdown Scarborough is our last great hope? Somebody hold me. Now.

Let's take just a moment to deconstruct this, shall we?

I have not read Mr. Scarborough's book. Nor do I intend to invest the money and energy necessary to do so. Let's just say that I've absorbed all the relevant info I need to from the ubiquitously vapid Mika Brezezinksi, Joe's own perpetually flapping mouth, and the always helpful interwebs.

It all boils down to this: Joe *brewed by Starbucks!* has decided to resurrect his political career by regurgitating the myths of the great Republican demagogue: Ronald Reagan. Oooohhhhh, according to old Joe (as many of his bretheren) Ronnie was the Great Uniter. His policies were favorable to everyman, across the board. He cut taxes. He fostered smaller government. He the champion of small business and individual freedoms. All hail!!!

Point in fact, Ronald Reagan did none of those things. Tax cuts? Reagan instituted imposing federal taxes on unemployment benefits. Genius! Let's tax money that's coming from the government in the first place. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Smaller government? Reagan oversaw the largest national defense spending ever, while purporting to need less taxpayer money to support his little fetish. Uniter? Reagan united one group: WHITE MEN. And he united them on the backs of women and minorities. He created the myth of the black "welfare queen," taking your taxpayer dollars to subsidize her lifestyle of wearing fur coats and eating bonbons in the housing projects. Oh yeah, whatever. IT WAS A LIE! Reagan capitalized on the hostility of white men towards minorities - the fear that if YOU get ahead, I have to take a step back. Reagan had absolutely no personal moral dog in the abortion fight, but he fostered the pro-life rhetoric just because it helped his party platform to do so.

Ronald Reagan had one lasting legacy: he smoked out the Soviets and continued outspending them on defense so as to bring the Cold War to its inevitable close. But understand - the Soviets were never going to be able to win the Cold War so long as the US maintained a ridiculous level of defense spending. In order to try to match us on that front, the Soviets had to basically rob their own citizens and cut off all social programs. The result was a persistent situation where the citizens were being slowly starved to death, which ultimately made it impossible for the government to continue spending on weapons systems. America was able to do both (at the time): maintain some level of social support AND pay exhorbitant amounts of money towards national defense.

How did Reagan fund defense spending while at the same time cutting taxes on the wealthy and on businesses? HE RAIDED THE SOCIAL SECURITY FUND!!!! Which leads us to the precipace on which we sit today, tomorrow, and for years into the future.

Back to Joe. Today on the Daily Beast, Christopher Buckley proclaims Joe and his new book "the new face of the Republican party." As a die-hard Democrat, my response to Buckley's assertion is: bwahahahahahahahaha! Bring.It.On.Dude! You want to parade Joe "Morning Meltdown" Scarborough around as the savior as your daddy's party? Have at it! As Buckley's blog claims, Scarborough "comes across as a profoundly likeable and reasonable man." Right, as long as you don't yank his hair-trigger chain. At which point "likeable" and "reasonable" give way to TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL LUNACY. Seriously, Joe's got less self-control than - dare I say it - Nancy Grace when confronted by somone conversant in the Fifth Amendment. Friend.

No doubt, Joe Scarborough has spent the last several years trying to position himself as a moderate friend to everyman. Supposedly, he left Congress unexpectedly in the middle of his third term because his son was spiraling out of control and needed him. Or, perhaps it was because of the Congressional intern who was found dead in his office! In any event, shortly after he was summoned "home" to Florida, Joe began commuting right back to Washington in order to do his first show, Scarborough Country, on MSNBC. Make of that what you will.

I watch Morning Joe occasionally. Because despite being a ginormous douchebag, Joe's got good producers who get damn good guests who have smart conversations - when they can get a word in edgewise. But mostly I just tear my hair out over what a smarmy, out of control, manipulative douchebag this dude is. Don't buy his book. Don't read his book. But for the love of all that is good and holy, don't vote for him in any Republican primaries coming up anytime soon - he just might be diabolical enough to win.

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Here it comes.



Tonight, Nancy interviewed Jennifer Buchanan, the mother of the little girl found murdered last week in Michigan. And, as anyone who is familiar with Nancy Grace's douchebaggery should have expected, it was totally a set-up. Much like the way she tore into Melinda Duckett after the disappearance of her child a couple of years ago, Nancy set out to hone her rotting-out, formerly prosecutorial teeth on the fragile psyche of a woman whose child is not yet even in the grave.

Listen, Jennifer Buchanan has got more than her fair share of issues. Apparently she befriended more than a couple of sex offenders with questionable pasts, and continued to allow her kid to be around them even after she knew about all that. And trust me, as someone who has never walked a mile in Jennifer Buchanan's shoes I've got plenty I'd like to rake her over the coals about. Starting with the naming of a child "heaven" backwards. *eyeballs roll out of head* But let's be clear: the time for that is not now. Unless I have one single iota of evidence suggesting that this woman had anything intentional to do with her daughter's death, right now is the time for those who would question her (other than, y'know, the police) to BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Yeah, Nancy? When you try to make yourself all superior and shit by taking down the emotionally and mentally fragile? You don't end up looking like a big shit. You end up looking like an evil, narcissistic, insecure, second-rate hack. You look like a fucking douchebag. Which is what you are, Madam.

Oh - and all those people who call into your show and coo over your nasty spawn, Lucy Elizabeth and John David? They all live up the side of a hill. Their dentures are slipping out. And they all resemble - well, they all look like KC!



I can only hope that one day, one of those freaks of nature crawls out from his or her hovel and murders one of your children, upon which some shrewish harpie can cross-examine you as to why you coddled and cajoled such human waste into your life, in effect endangering your own offspring.

Yeah, I said it. Fuck you Nancy. I spit on you. Friend. Ptooooey!

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