It's safe to come out now. She's gone.

*cue "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead"*

Today Sarah Palin gave another speech that she CLEARLY wrote herself ("..suggesting American apologetics...")(huh?) and invoking the troops for no apparent reason other than to give herself cover.

And it just wouldn't be Sarah Palin if she didn't invoke patriotic sacrifice in order to whine about how mistreeeeeeeeated she is by the press.

How 'bout, in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin' things up.

I got 2 words for you, Sarah: You.First.

Watch if you can stomach it

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Sheesh! Now that I've recovered from the tragic and totally unexpected death of Michael "102-lbs of narcotic-plied man-flesh" Jackson, I take a look around the news cycle and see some sad tales, indeed. What the fuck is WRONG with people that they can't pull their heads out of their asses and bow out of public life gracefully.

Today's blog is an ode to those who stayed a little too long at the ball. Where to start?

Ok, let's start with this dude:



Oh yes, the guy who made "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" a euphemism.

OK, Governor. If it had just been a matter of a little infidelity that would be one thing. But you can't hold a weepy press conference confessing your sins but not resigning and THEN let it come out that you'd been fucking your mistress on the taxpayer dollar. Oh, but it doesn't end there! Now he confesses to having "crossed the line" with other women as well (but not sexually, by golly, because apparently he's TWELVE and distinguishes between getting to second and third base, this guy.) And he STILL won't resign! No - because he says it is GOD'S WILL that he remain in office. God's Will??!?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me??? How many times does God have to totally SMITE you before you buy a clue and run as far away from the state house as you possibly can? And by smite you I mean, of course, cause you to have massive, over-share-y verbal diarrhea. Ran, man! RUN!!!!!

Which brings me to our next clueless lingerer at the party:



His wife. She told him in no uncertain terms that he could NOT go visit his mistress - despite his persistent begging. And when she kicked him out of the house so that he could think about their marriage he RAN IMMEDIATELY TO FUCK HIS MISTRESS!!! And yet she still wants to reconcile. Then, today, he TELLS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS that the other woman is is "soul mate" but that he's going to "try to fall back in love with his wife." WHAT?!?!?!? And you are sitting around WAITING for this asshole???? So much for your dignity lady! I think that walked out the door along with the "spiritual advisor" you allowed to accompany this douchebag on a trip to see his soul mate in New York.

Seriously lady, you give new meaning to the concept of being STOOPID.

Who else - who else refused to walk away after things got really, really ugly? Oh! In the spirit of bi-partisanship let's go with this douchebag!



Holy mother of God. It was bad enough when we found out he'd continued running for President after admitting to his cancer-stricken wife that he'd had an affair. Now we come to find out that he was running for President of the United States after having made a sex tape with his mistress. ON PURPOSE?!?!??! Let's not forget, the lady in question was a professional videographer here. And we're not even to the part where he's allegedly the father of this skank's baby, either.

I'm patting myself on the back for realizing, years ago, that John Edwards was just a leeeetle too slick, and a leeeetle too good-looking, and a leeeetle too much of a plaintiffs' attorney for me to buy into too much of his shit. But I wasn't expecting it to get this bad. Even some nasty, greasy wanna-be rockstar celebutard I know has better sense than to spill his seed all over the floor in front of a camera. And that's saying something, I tell ya!

And Elizabeth Edwards? CUT HIM THE FUCK LOOSE! I'm not featuring you out of respect for your health condition, even if you have been whoring your family's misfortunes around the Oprah/Larry King circuit to pimp your book.

Instead of Mrs. Edwards, my final clueless wallflower is, inevitably, her Royal Shallowness:



You betcha!

She hasn't even declared she's running for President in 2012 yet, and already the McCain staff is coming out of the woodwork to tell us what a loser she is.

Lady, my fondest wish would be to watch you try to take on Barack Obama in a few debates in 2012, what with all that winking and "Can I call you Barry?" and whatnot. But it ain't never gonna happen. You should have gone back to Alaska with your tail tucked between your legs and just hoped that the folks up there were too busy rubbing two sticks together to stay warm to notice what a jackass you just made of yourself and your state.

And now, we pay "homidge" [/inside joke] to a few who knew when to walk away - indeed, they knew when to run.



He got out early. Enough said.



Well, apparently by not putting up a stink she got out just in time.



Bitch saw that one coming, and dodged a bullet.



Hey, it looks like he's got nice favorability ratings these days. Not to mention, no one's talking about what a cultish, plural marriage-loving MORMON he is anymore.

And finally:



We'll just call him Al. As opposed to the Worst President Ever in the History of American History. Ever.

Kudos to those who saw the light and got the fuck out of dodge. There's something to be said about not getting what you wanted. Ask me - I just saw the photographic evidence of the dude I was in love with at my 20th high school reunion. Whew! Dodged the bullet there.

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If you're going to cheat on your wife and disappear with your lover to a foreign country for a few days - while being the Chief Executive of a state - maybe you should just own up to it instead of trying to weasel your way out of it by lying:

COLUMBIA, S.C. — Gov. Mark Sanford told a newspaper he was in Argentina, not hiking the Appalachian Trail as his staff had told the public to explain his sudden absence. He said he "wanted to do something exotic" to unwind after losing a fight over federal stimulus money.

The State newspaper reported that Sanford arrived Wednesday morning at Atlanta's international airport on a flight from Buenos Aires, where he drove along the coast of what he called a "beautiful" city.

Sanford apologized at a press conference to his family, and his staff at a press conference for "the way that I let them down." He said he had a conversation with his father-in-law a few weeks ago about where "my heart was ... laying my cards on the table."

"There are moral absolutes, God's law is indeed there to protect you from yourself. There are consequences if you breach that. This press conference is a consequence."

At first it was not clear what Sanford was referencing.

"I've been unfaithful to my wife and I've developed a relationship with what stared as a dear, dear friend from Argentina," he finally said. The affair has been going on for a year, he later explained.

Sanford announced that he is resigning as head of the Republican Governors Association.

"I spent the past five days of my life crying in Argentina," he said, "so I could come back and cry here."

Seriously, dude - that's the best you can do? Just change your name to Evita and get it over with. I generally don't give a shit about people's sex lives - even policitians - but when they throw hypocrisy and lying into the mix, all bets are off.

And did I mention he's a Republican? Quelle surprise.

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I don't really enjoy Jane's show - she is even more shrieky and sensational than Nancy (I know it's hard to believe). She doesn't even do macabre, tacky montages of dead babies with creepy theme music by Michael Jackson. So why do I watch Jane's show? For one reason, of course...

THAT MULLET!!!!!

What the fuck is going on there? And who on god's green earth told her that was a good look? The only person with a worse mullet than Jane was:



But even Phil Spector has moved on to a more respectable coif, thanks to the fact that they don't allow rugs in prison:



Maybe Jane murdered one of the babies that Nancy features on her show, and then she too can be liberated from her tragic mullet.

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So a handful of wingnut-ty Sarah Palin supporters (are there any other kind of Sarah Palin supporters?) showed up to PROTEST at the David Letterman show, after he made a joke about her teenage daughter getting knocked up by Alex Rodriguez and apologized - twice.

These beacons of feminist outrage ended up calling Letterman's son a "bastard" and his wife a "slut." When they weren't busy decrying SOCIALISM and screaching about how we should CLOSE THE BORDERS!

Wha? Oh what did you really expect from a bunch of fucking Palin supporters? I hope someone will show up at their homes and places up business to call their children and spouses ugly epithets as well. Keep the cycle going!!!

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In case you needed more evidence that racism is alive and well - despite the fact that our President is a BLACK MAN!!1!!1! - check out this lovely email sent by a Republican (natch) staffer in Tennessee:

(CNN) -- The chairman of Tennessee's Democratic Party wants a Republican legislative aide fired for sending out a "reprehensible" e-mail depicting President Obama as two cartoonish white eyes peering from a black background.

Obama's image is in the last square of a collage containing portraits of the previous 43 U.S. presidents. The e-mail, which was sent to other GOP staff members, was posted on the Internet Monday.

Sherri Goforth, an administrative assistant to state Sen. Diane Black, R-Gallatin, has admitted she sent the e-mail May 28 with the title "Historical Keepsake Photo." She said, without elaborating, that she mistakenly sent it "to the wrong list of people."

According to the Tennessean, a Nashville newspaper, a note on the e-mail said it was paid for by the Tennessee Republican Party, but GOP officials denied they produced it. Black leads the Tennessee Senate Republican Caucus.

There was no comment from the White House as of Tuesday afternoon.

Black rebuked Goforth but didn't dismiss her.

"I want to be sure that everyone understands that the communication was sent without my knowledge," Black said Tuesday afternoon. "It absolutely does not represent the beliefs or opinions of my office. I want to be very clear about that."

The senator said as soon as she found out about the e-mail, she consulted the Legislature's human resources office, then followed their advice.

"Ms. Goforth did get a verbal reprimand as well as a very strongly worded reprimand, written, that was put in her file that if this should ever occur again, that she would be terminated," Black said.

"This is an employee who has had a stellar record," Black said. She added that Goforth has worked in state government for more than 20 years, and has had a clean record.

"We followed policy. And that's what you do when someone breaks the rules, you follow policy," she said.

A phone message left for Goforth by CNN was not answered.

"Is this indicative of what Senate Republicans think about our commander-in-chief?" asked state Democratic Party Chairman Chip Forrester in a statement posted on the party's Web site.

"I am calling on Sen. Black to reject this racist smear and fire this staffer who, on state government time, on state government computers, using a state government e-mail account, launched this bigoted attack on our president," Forrester said. "Keeping her on the staff would send the message that this type of behavior is condoned by the Senate Republican Caucus."

"This e-mail is reprehensible, insults the office of the president, and is embarrassing to all Tennesseans regardless of political party," Forrester said.

Goforth told Christian Grantham of the Web site Nashville Is Talking that she had received a letter of reprimand from her superiors but will remain on the job.

Grantham said Goforth told him she felt "very bad about accidentally sending it to the wrong list" of people. "I inadvertently hit the wrong button," Grantham quoted Goforth as saying. "I'm very sick about it, and it's one of those things I can't change or take back."

Forrester, in his Web posting, said, "Ms. Goforth does not seem to understand what she did wrong. She has apologized for 'sending [the e-mail] to the wrong list of people.' I believe that any list of people would have recognized this e-mail as offensive and hateful."

State Rep. Johnny Shaw, D-Bolivar, a member of the black and Democratic caucuses, said Goforth should be dismissed.

"I don't think a reprimand is enough. I think this lady needs to go. I don't think she should be a part of the people who represent the state of Tennessee," Shaw said.

He said Goforth and Black, as well as Republican Lt. Gov. and Senate Speaker Ron Ramsey, should make public apologies for the incident.

"I am appalled. It's despicable. It's disgusting. It should not have happened, but it does happen," Shaw said. "It is the president of our country that we're talking about."

Several other black Democratic lawmakers agreed Goforth should quit.

"The last thing we need in the state of Tennessee is to send out the impression and the image that we are still stuck in some backwater mentality and culture that feels it's OK to depict the president of the United States in that fashion," state Rep. John Deberry Jr., D-Memphis, told CNN Radio.

Forrester added: "Unfortunately, Sherri Goforth's e-mail joins the list of shameful episodes by Tennessee Republicans, from the infamous 'Birds of a Feather' direct-mail piece that featured black crows with the heads of Barack Obama and [African-American] Rep. Nathan Vaughn, to the "Barack the Magic Negro" song that former Tennessee GOP Party Chairman Chip Saltsman sent to RNC members during his failed campaign for RNC chair."

Couldn't this woman come up with a better excuse than she "sent it to the wrong list of people?" I wonder if she wears a pointy white hood to work?

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I discovered on my way home tonight that today is apparently National Man Day.

CELESTINE, Ind. — Two Indiana men have declared Monday "National Man Day" only to find there's already a romantic holiday that falls on that date.

Ninteen-year-old Joel Longanecker of Celestine and his 26-year-old brother Aaron, of Indianapolis, have for months been rallying thousands to their masculine cause on Facebook. More than 260,000 people have pledged to "stand up and do manly things" on Man Day.

But it turns out June 15 is also "Sneak a Kiss Day," a day for sweethearts to steal smooches from their sweeties.

The Man Day organizers urge participants to take part in "manly" activities such as football, hunting or watching Rocky movies. They claim real men don't "sneak" kisses.

"Stand up and do manly things"... am I the only one picturing a circle jerk?

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Nor should you "friend" an attorney appearing before you and discuss the case you are presiding over on each others Facebook walls:

Judge Reprimanded for Friending Lawyer and Googling Litigant

A North Carolina judge has been reprimanded for “friending” a lawyer in a pending case, posting and reading messages about the litigation, and accessing the website of the opposing party.

Judge B. Carlton Terry Jr. and lawyer Charles Shieck both posted messages about the child custody and support case heard last September, the Lexington Dispatch reports. Terry also accessed the website of the opposing litigant and cited a poem she had posted there, according to the April 1 public reprimand (PDF) by the North Carolina Judicial Standards Commission.

The opinion says Terry and Shieck first discussed Facebook in chambers in the presence of the opposing lawyer in the case, Jessie Conley, who said she didn’t know what Facebook was and didn’t have time for it. After the discussion, Terry and Shieck friended each other. Shieck later posted a Facebook reference to the issue of whether his client had had an affair, saying “How do I prove a negative?” according to the opinion. Shieck also wrote, “I have a wise judge.”

Terry told Conley about Shieck’s posts the day after he read them. The same day during court proceedings he referenced the poem he found and posted a Facebook message that the case was in its last day of trial. After the hearing concluded, Terry disclosed to both parties that he had visited the website of Conley’s client, where he found the poem, and then disqualified himself at the request of Conley.

Terry told investigators the poem had suggested that Conley’s client was not as bitter as he first thought and had given him hope for the litigants’ children. He also cooperated in the investigation, the opinion says.

The opinion says the ex parte communications and the independent gathering of information indicated a disregard of the principles of judicial conduct.

I hope L. Anne Carrington (inside joke) doesn't get wind of this.

Hat tip: ABA Journal

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